In 2018 I was diagnosed with cluster headaches. Lots of people confuse them with migraine because they're both a type of headache but they're not the same thing. Another name for them is suicide headaches and sufferers say they're worse than pushing out a baby. In general, I find pregnancy and giving birth pretty scary but the silver lining in all of this is, if I can go through this for a month every 18 months, then pregnancy & birth will be a breeze (right?!).

I haven't been back to work or school this year yet & for the most part, I've been too exhausted to do much. So I've had ample time to rest and think. I'm a compulsive thinker, I think about everything all the time. Sometimes I struggle to sleep because I'm thinking so much. This morning I woke up at 4:30am and couldn't go back to sleep because of all the thinking. I really don't like having things on my mind, I need to get it all out. I journal and do therapy, which helps.

Some things I've been thinking about:

This rest seems to have permeated through all aspects of my life. Lots of my key friendships are shifting and changing and resting. My work too. I imagine that when I step out of this, things will be different, which, honestly, is okay. There are some (secret) things I'm excited about, other things not so much. Isn't it strange how rest can also mean change which can also mean movement.